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It’s been a long time since I posted something because what do you say when the things going on and the thoughts you’re having aren’t for public consumption? But I thought it might be cathartic to get it all out, so here goes.

This blog has always been  lighthearted “here’s a few pictures of my kids” type fluff so when the shit started hitting the fan I wasn’t keen to share that. “Oh hey, Instagram, I feel like somebody set my whole life on fire. Here’s a photo of a latte” just isn’t really my style. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when things started to change. As the old cliché goes “It’s not you, it’s me…” but I was pretty sure that this time, it wasn’t me. Things between us were different and I couldn’t understand why it was. After months of wondering what the hell was going on and why my husband was turning into a stranger, on Christmas Eve there was finally an answer. And it was one that I never expected and yet at the same time, it wasn’t a surprise at all. “We’ve found something on his MRI…” That something turned out to be a tumour in the frontal lobe of his brain. An Anaplastic Astrocytoma Grade 3 to those in the know (It’s amazing how quickly all the jargon starts to mean something). Now there’s never a good time to find out something like this but let me tell you, Christmas Eve absolutely wasn’t it. I left him in hospital while we all descended on my brother in law’s in shock, our Christmas plans completely thrown out of the window. Those first few days were truly terrible. I watched Love Actually with my niece and the scene where Emma Thompson’s character puts on a show for her children after finding out Alan Rickman has bought that tart a necklace (still unforgivable, Alan) absolutely broke my heart. Because I understood. Putting on a brave face and smiling for your children while you are screaming inside.

From then on it was a whirlwind of a month. Appointments, specialists, scans, endless Googling and then the operation itself. Cue lots of “It’s not brain surgery…oh wait” because brain tumour or not, we still think we’re hilarious. Apparently brain surgery utterly trumps giving birth. I decided I’d maybe just let him have that one. I’m not going to dwell on the medical aspect too much because it’s private and it’s not my story to tell and I have two small people to think about who have already had enough going on. I really don’t want to add “My mum read on your mum’s blog about your dad…”. You see the dilemma. Trust me though when I say of everything we’ve ever been through, this takes the cake, the fridge and the whole damn pantry. Of all the crazy things that life can throw at you THIS is one that you can never be prepared for. When I said “In sickness and in health”…well, yeah, I kinda meant it but I didn’t think that would apply so soon and I was thinking more along the lines of man flu. You never think that things like this will happen to you. Of course you know that they CAN but this is a Grey’s Anatomy storyline or something you read in those guilty pleasure trash mags. It’s something that happens to other people and you say “Oh my gosh, could you imagine if that happened to you?” and then, it is you. It’s your family and, really, why not? What made us so special?

Our lives have changed so much in the past six months especially and sometimes this new life of ours feels incredibly foreign to me. Our roles have changed and that’s been such an adjustment for us both. Turns out I have incredible family and friends who have rallied around and supported us and who I love so very much for caring about us. In the past year I have learnt that I am stronger than I ever thought possible. There have been huge hurdles and I know there are many more to come and none of it will be easy but we’ll be OK. I’ve got this.

Hey blog, well it’s been a while! You take a few weeks off to enjoy the summer holidays with the kids and before you know it, it’s November! I wish I could regale you with tales of international travel to exotic locations but we only ventured as far as the Isle of Wight (the kids think that’s abroad though, don’t tell them). It was wonderful making the most of the holidays before they both started their new schools and I’ve photographed some beautiful weddings over the last couple of months which I am really excited to share with you soon. Oh! And most exciting of all, we got a puppy!

This is Bessie Rainbow Twilight Sparkle, the latest addition to the Willis household and was named by Honor (given that I gave her Sunshine as a middle name, I wasn’t sure if that was immediately obvious or not). Bessie is a Cavachon which is a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel and Bichon Frise cross, although she is much more cava than chon which has lead to a lot of teasing from my friends that she is probably neither of those and is in fact, a Springer Spaniel. She is very sweet but very lively! This is the first time we have had a puppy (our previous dog, Saffy, was fully grown when we got her) so it’s been a learning curve. She loves to steal our things, particularly clothes, Shopkins and Lego models and she loves going outside. A couple of weeks ago she decided she just couldn’t wait to go out and bolted out the door when Bevan left for school, I was hysterical and running after her in my slippers and an old breastfeeding nightie (I’m classy like that) and I’m sure I mooned the neighbours at one point…. I’ve also cleared up more wee and poo than I thought possible but we’re slowly getting there….

One of the best things about having Bessie is that some of our friends got puppies at the same time so we can get together for walks and puppy playdates (and commiserate over ruined carpets). It’s like the days of playgroup all over again only we aren’t so sleep deprived. We have been meeting up in the local woods to practice recall (Oh yeah, I know all the lingo…) and get them used to being off the lead. I’ll be honest, Bessie mainly likes to roll in the mud with the other pups but it’s bound to click at some point, right?

A few photos from our walk with my friend Gemma, my little goddaughter and their puppy, Coco.