See what I did there? It’s vaguely fish related…
Sword in hand. A knight is always prepared
We all know one of those mothers. The one with 5 kids, a rocking bod, the multi-talented gourmet chef who lives in a show home. The one that makes people say “How does she do it?”.
Nobody has ever asked that about me. Well, they have but with an air of pity and disbelief. “How do you do it?” How are you late for school every day when you live a couple of minutes away? How do you take three days to put clean clothes away? How is your house such chaos when you haven’t got a proper job and you’ve only got two kids, one of whom is at school all day?
I promised myself that this week would be different. This week, I would up my game. I would make proper meals instead of eating omelettes and biscuits. I would bake and make crafts and go on little weekend outings and not shout (as much). And it did start well….we made puppets and went to birthday parties…we ate bacon & eggs and watched cartoons in our PJs…we went out for the afternoon and bought goldfish and made stuff out of Lego.
And then it went wrong. Monday morning brought snow, illness and dead goldfish. We (I say “we”, really it was Beloved while I made squeaky sounds and told him off for using the wrong tupperware. The pink one. I KNOW!) had to smuggle them out of the tank and tell The Boy that they were hiding. Once he was safely back at school, I removed the frozen goldfish carcasses (yeah, we stuck them in the freezer to keep them fresh) and took them back to the pet shop, gagging. After a goldfish postmortem, they recorded an open verdict and asked if I wanted to choose some more fish, did I want the same or did I want to get a different kind? I had a 5 year old boy at home who’d spent 20 minutes choosing those fish. I went with exactly the same ones. Obviously. As I was leaving, the…fish man? explained that they offered a livestock guarantee and if these fish croak too, to bring them back. Nice of him but if they do, there is no way I’m doing the walk of shame back through that shop. I can’t be “That girl that kills fish”. I’ve kept the dead fish tupperware to one side. Just incase.